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Health News.
Comprehensive men's sexual health information, tips and news about men's sexual health.
YOUR MARITAL HEALTH/WIVES’ SEXUALITY: MS. MYTH – THE ROMANTIC MYTH
I love it, I love sex. Sometimes I want sex, and sometimes I want love, and sometimes I want both, and sometimes I’d sooner ride my bike.
WIFE
Women trade sex for love and men trade love for sex. This myth has enjoyed a long and invasive reign in male/female interactions.
Although cultural factors may teach such lessons to children, causing some young girls to think they must be in love if they have had sex with some boy, there is no truth to this view. Love is not the sole prerogative of either gender. Love is a system word, a process for a unit of two.
Husbands and wives did not differ in their reports of needs for love and loving, and it is not possible to divide sex and love. Touching, feeling, holding, being, trusting, talking, stimulating, and an infinite range of human experiences is involved in all sexual interaction, but when “sexperts” perpetuate the myth of romanticized women and eroticized men, they corrupt the natural interaction between the genders.
A dangerous “sub-myth” has evolved in this association of love with women and sex with men. You may have heard the line that “rape has nothing to do with sex. It is a violent, aggressive act, a crime, and is in no way related to sex.” This statement is absurd and dangerous. While rape is a violent, aggressive crime against women and sometimes men and against all human dignity, it nonetheless involves sex and is related to corrupted love maps and the sexual maldevelopment of the rapist. To say otherwise is to fail to address the crisis of rape directly. The sexual motives and impact of rape are profound. The motives for rape relate in part to a societal view of women as covertly wanting or allowing sex only in exchange for or surrender to the work, deception, force, coercion, or effort of the male. It is as if women, from the male viewpoint, are seen as in charge, and rape is a terrible male way of circumventing the system, “taking” sex and “taking” women without the exchange of love. The motives for rape are many and always unique to the rapist and his distorted love map, but the cultural view of women as having something that men must earn or take contributes to the tragedy of rape. Until we confront and destroy this myth of women seeking only love while they parcel out sexual favors or succumb to male sexual aggression, until we teach our little boys that love and sex are one, the tragedy of rape will continue. None of us is served by separating rape from sex. We only delude ourselves about the sexual immaturity of a society that continues to abuse its men, women, and children. Sexual child abuse and rape are not crimes separate from sex, they are sex crimes, and we all suffer.
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